People are strange ... and piss me off
November 15, 2002 ~ 4:55 p.m.
Have you ever noticed how, when it�s just drizzling and you will not get that wet if you�re caught in it � indeed, how just a hat and sturdy jacket will do � people still insist on using umbrellas? It seems infuriating to have to duck or push umbrellas out of the way, whichever action is appropriate, for what is essentially just a supersaturated fog.
In fact, while standing on the platform this morning waiting for my morning train, I looked around at all the people with umbrellas and thought, You fools! It�s people like you who caused me to lose sight of my two companions in Brussels this past weekend. Thanks for the terrifying trip into the netherworld of total panic, morons.
I have been led to believe that the sort of person who whips up an umbrella in a drizzle or light rain must possess a petty personality. If you are walking less than a mile or waiting for less than half-an-hour, you do not need it. You are only making life all the more aggravating for those who have to share the pavement with you.
And don�t you just love those numbnuts who never thank you when you hold doors open for them? It�s as if they expected you to perform this favor. Until I encountered people like that, I never really knew how good it felt to just let doors slam in their faces.
Here�s another common personality for you � the desperate-for-attention types. You know the ones. Those who talk too loud in public places. Especially on mobile phones.
�Ooo, yes, I�ll definitely be going to his party tonight. Ooo, yeah, should be lots of fun. I can�t wait. Yeah, I�ll be wearing the short sequined dress just to keep the party going, if ya� know what I mean, tee-hee-hee. Ooo! Did I tell about Kevin�s new car? Oh, yes, it�s delightful He�ll be taking me for a spin this weekend!�
And as they�re speaking, they�re making eye contact with you from time to time, just to make sure you�re listening and paying attention. When they notice me with my headphones on, they give me dirty looks.
Hey, stupid ass � I don�t care what party you�re going to, I don�t care what you�ll wear to it, I don�t care about your boy-toy�s new car, or your screaming brat that you seem to think everybody should be gushing over.
Sting said it best in the Police song �Peanuts�: �Don�t wanna know about the drugs you�re taking, don�t wanna hear about the love you�re making, don�t wanna hear about the lies you�re faking, don�t wanna know about the muck you�re raking.�
And the morale of this story is three-fold:
(1) Umbrellas are only justifiable in moderate rainfall or worse.
(2) �Thanks� is an appropriate response to a common courtesy, ensuring you will continue to be on the receiving end of said courtesies.
(3) If you insist on being such an exhibitionist about your life by demanding the rapt attention of total strangers, then you haven�t got one.
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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