Pseudoephedrine Monday blues
September 15, 2003 ~ 1:04 p.m.
An on-line encyclopedia I discovered last night states that the decongestant pseudoephedrine can be used as a stimulant, and that U.S. law forbids anyone from being able to purchase more than one package of medicine containing the substance�such as Sudafed�within a 24-hour period, given that methamphetamine can be easily created from pseudoephedrine. Fascinating, eh? I can understand why such a law exists because I get as high as a kite on this stuff. Combined with caffeine, it really provides a kick. Ah, recreational drugs, where�d we be without them?
Anyway, my oh my, what a gorgeous weekend we just had. Weather-wise, it was like mid-July, temperatures way up in the 70s (mid 20s to my Australian readers) with dry, crisp air but a hot sun. And, believe you me, I didn�t waste it. On Saturday, the wife and I went to the caf� for brunch around 3 p.m. and then she went shopping. I waited with her at the bus stop, gave her the raspberry salute as the bus pulled away, and grabbed a beer at the pub. I sat in the sunshine while drinking it and then went to go home. I was halfway there when I realized that I did not have my keys on me.
I knew that the shops close at 6 p.m., so I had two hours to kill. I decided to walk up the hill and to some woods that I knew of. I thought that I would just walk around the woods for a while when I discovered a steep staircase that led to another level of the forest floor. There were about 40 steps. Why not run these steps? I thought, especially as I was wearing athletic shorts and sneakers.
I thought that I would run up and down those steps ten times. After doing that, I took a break and stretched my legs. Then I thought, well, how about another ten? I was quite winded by the time I�d done thirteen laps, but adrenaline had kicked in by the time I�d completed twenty, and so I decided to run five more for a total of twenty-five laps. I had just killed slightly over an hour of time.
Now then, recreational drugs are all very well, but there�s no kick like an adrenaline boost. I walked back through the woods, feeling superb. Then I went back down the hill and stood around the bus stop for 45 minutes, waiting for the wife to return. When she saw me there, she initially thought, �Oh, how sweet, he�s come to help me with my bags.� Then the real reason occurred to her: �Well, my numbnuts of a husband has locked himself out again, so I see.�
On Sunday, we did it all over again, sans the shopping�woke up at three in the afternoon, brunched at the caf�, dropped the recycling off at the top of the hill, and then I went for another twenty-five laps up the steps. The wife, meanwhile, stood around in the woods, talked on her cell phone and got bitten by mosquitoes. Must be why she�s off sick today.
As for me, I�ve got to get some food because I�m starving, there�s another five hours of the working day left to get through, and the pseudoephedrine has gone straight to my head. I�m beyond high and now just plain dizzy.
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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