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New England pride; American pride

February 03, 2004 ~ 12:56 p.m.

IT�S OURS! IT�S OURS AGAIN!

Yes, my beloved New England Patriots did what the Red Sox came damn close to doing (but didn�t): They went all the way, and won it all. On Sunday night, the Patriots won SuperBowl XXXVIII and the Vince Lombardi Trophy along with it. They returned to Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts to whoop it up with their fans and display the trophy.

Naturally, I am extremely happy for the Patriots. This is our second SuperBowl victory in three years. We�ve now won the big event as many times as we lost it (in our history, we�ve been to the SuperBowl four times: 1986, 1997, 2002 and this year). But I wouldn�t want the Pats to become too dominant. After all, look how hated the Yankees are�people are sick of them and for good reason. You need the dull seasons too, to remind you of why you are really a fan. You don�t want the next generation of fans to support their team robotically just because they win all the time (as Yankees fans do).

If we can win it all next year as well, then as fans, we�ve got much to be proud of. The Pats will have won the title three times, two of them consecutively. We don�t need to win it the next ten years in a row. New England has finally won respect and shut the naysayers up�even those who apparently didn�t learn their lesson after our 2002 victory.

All in all, I�m damn proud to be a New Englander at this point in time. Now I�m eagerly awaiting yet another Red Sox season and the team's bid for a World Series title, and the extremely emotional twists and turns that would suggest �


I�ve been given a critical analysis of my �true American� philosophy recently.

In response to what he asked about, do our bloodlines mean nothing if we are to be patriotic? No. Americans are a mongrel race, more now than at any other time in our history. It is right to know what our heritage is and to hold that in high esteem and respect and wonderment.

However, as Teddy Roosevelt noted back in 1913, if you insist on hyphenating your heritage to your nationality, as in Irish-American, or Chinese-American, or French-Dutch-Italian-Greek American, then you are not giving your all to your country. If the motherland(s) means that much to you, can you really say that you�re proud to be an American?

It�s pretty obvious what �true Americans� are: They are patriotic; they are not traitors. They are grateful for the high quality of life their country has afforded them. They are in their country�s debt for the greatest freedoms to be found anywhere on the planet, at least relatively speaking, and they know it. They do not vilify the armed forces in Iraq, they do not moan pessimistically about their effort (thus dragging down morale), they do not degrade their fellow countrymen by branding them as sheep-like, retarded, badly educated fools suffering from a manic superiority complex.

Put it like this�if you can look any foreigner in the eye and say that not only are you an American, but, although you may not agree with all that America has done or is doing, you are proud of it, then you are a true American.

After saying that Americans tend to look more negatively at life than positively, he makes the following plea:

�To do my part in bringing joy to the world and turning this tide - I will be certain to do some fucking this week and show my affection for others. You should too. Go out and fuck someone from another country. Do it for me!�

Hmmm. It�s hard to see how sinking one�s member into random foreign vaginas and buttholes (the criticizer in question is an active bisexual) is going to uplift the human race. To me, that behavior is merely just fulfilling one�s insatiable lust�one of the many, many things that�s so wrong with the human species. But hey, perhaps that�s just me.

And incidentally, I have fucked someone from another country. My dear wife is British.

� M.E.M.

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