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Jacko and gay marriage? Man, oh (real) man!

November 28, 2003 ~ 4:04 p.m.

Well, I have a bit of catching up to do, haven�t I? Let�s waste no time then �

The latest Michael Jackson saga

There�s not much I can add to the debate over Michael Jackson, except to say that those protesting on his behalf really need the little fairies that talk to them advise them of the need for a lobotomy.

Even if, and I�m saying if, the latest child-molesting allegations are just a ploy to get money out of Jackson, it is Jacko who�s still at fault. He cannot claim to have been used, because he should know better than to spend any time alone with a pubescent boy. But, of course, the truth is that Jacko is beyond saving. His longing for a boyhood has led him to confuse sentimentality with sexuality. The symptoms of the paedophile are inherent in Jackson: the inability to have a meaningful relationship with another person of his own age being the most prominent. It is to children that he connects, and his emotions are completely separate from reality.

Let�s hope the courts do their job this time and put this lunatic behind bars. No matter what money and fame you may possess, it shouldn�t entitle you to get away with your crimes. O.J. Simpson did, and the travesty that was his acquittal is enough to pervert the course of justice for the next millennium.

This time, let�s do the right thing: Put Jacko away. Twenty years sounds about right.

Metrosexuals

Speaking of perversions �

Yesterday�s edition of The Times had a special section on the whole �metrosexual� phenomenon. What is a �metrosexual� anyway? The term is a clever play on the word �heterosexual,� but because of the androgynous nature of the metrosexual, the line is blurred as to just what sexual preference he actually possesses.

The metrosexual is supposedly a man who is totally wrapped up in vanity and who lives near a city, where he can take every opportunity at his disposal to get noticed and adored.

Mark Simpson of Salon.com�not a site I regularly read, just a place I conveniently linked to�uses England soccer phenom David Beckham is the example of the classic metrosexual:

You see, �Becks� is almost as famous for wearing sarongs and pink nail polish and panties belonging to his wife, Victoria (aka Posh from the Spice Girls), having a different, tricky haircut every week and posing naked and oiled up on the cover of Esquire, as he is for his impressive ball skills. He may or may not be the best footballer in the world, but he's definitely an international-standard narcissist, what would once have just been called, in the Anglo world at least, �a sissy.�

With the metrosexual, as aforementioned, the lines between heterosexuality and homosexuality are blurred�or perhaps even cross.

He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere.

Due to his vanity, the metrosexual has sold his soul long ago to his own ego:

More to the point, he sucks corporate cock with no gag reflex. A staple of newspapers, men's magazines, TV advertising and billboards, last year he earned around $8 million for sponsoring various male fashion accessories, such as Police sunglasses.

So just what IS all this �metrosexual� crapola? It is simply a rehashing of the �new man� phenomenon of the early 1990s, but with a twist. New Man got introduced to concepts such as listening to his feminine side, getting more in touch with women�s feelings, and crying to work out negative emotions. Now, along comes the metrosexual, with his painted nails, to blast open the floodgates for the New Man�s darkest fears: publicity. Once he could privately accept his androgyny, the New Man morphed into the Metrosexual.

Personally, I just prefer to call the metrosexual for what he is: A TART! A man who appears soft and cuddly and oh so irresistible, but is no different from the rough-edged straight guy in that he�s no less a vulture to women. But instead of acting like pigs, the metrosexual acts like a peacock. The gelled hair, coiffed nails, and pink shirts are just part of his act. Don�t buy into it.

For pity�s sake, don�t be fooled by these ultra-narcissistic twerps, ladies. And, guys, if you happen across them yourselves, deck them in the most un-metrosexual fashion possible.

The meaning of the Real Man

Forget New Man and the biological disaster known as the Metrosexual. I�d like to introduce Real Man.

Real Man isn�t really new. In fact, he�s been around for quite a while. He provides and he protects. Just like he�s supposed to do.

But Real Man has one up on the Metrosexual. He is not homophobic, but Real Man doesn�t have to feminize himself to prove the point. Real Man realizes that a fit body nourishes a fit mind, so he does his best to look good. Real Man also realizes that when things �just ain�t right,� a trip to the doctor might be in order. Indeed, Real Man is as capable of asking for an antidepressant as he is an aspirin.

Real Man does not engage in boorish behavior. He knows to act in the manner of a brute or a bully is associated with a lack of intelligent upbringing and the subsequent lack of self-esteem. Those who don�t respect themselves don�t respect others, and Real Man knows it.

He does not turn himself into a little cult object though. He does not preen and strut about. If Real Man is feeling happy, he swaggers. He respects the ladies, but he does not pretend to operate on their level. He is, after all, a man, damn it all, and he acts every bit like one.

Real Man recognizes that jealousy is a problem, but understands why it exists, and he works on solving problems that arise in a relationship by talking it out. The quiet but frank exchange of words does not embarrass Real Man for he knows his position and argues in favor of it. He treats his significant other with respect but does not deflate his own pride in so doing.

And, yes, Real Man can be gay or bisexual too. Sexuality is not an issue to Real Man. It�s all in how he sees himself as a male in the world and how he subsequently acts on this recognition. Real Man does not have to be pretty; he simply has to be practical.

Gay marriage

Here�s the most controversial snippet of this entry, to be sure. I�m sorry for who this will offend, but it must be said.

Now then, anyone who knows me knows that I am genuinely not homophobic. They also know that I am no fan of the Religious Right.

But I do believe in what marriage was considered to be�the lawful union of a man and a woman only. I am absolutely flummoxed by those who harped on President Bush when he opined this past summer about the sanctity of marriage. Dubya is a homophobe! everybody screamed.

Now that Canada has legalized it, the Massachusetts State Supreme Court has ruled in favor of it, and so have other states, and the Queen supported it in her speech, gay marriage is poised to become mainstream.

What I sincerely believe in the rights of gays to engage in civil unions. They can pledge themselves to each other to their heart�s desire�but to go the one extra step and demand marriage, on a par with that of heterosexuals, is anathema to the definition of marriage. Marriage is not reserved for a couple just because two people love each other; marriage is an act of law that defines the boundaries of society. It is the bedrock foundation for all families.

This is not to say that married couples must have children. Oh no, I�m not saying that at all. What I am saying is that a basic tradition is about to be destroyed. What is to be left of the concept of marriage now that it is being extended to the homosexual community?

What�s next, polygamous marriages? The union between man and beast? If I want to spend the rest of my life living in a tree, can I marry the tree? Hey, anything goes, right? I love the tree and I�m living with it, and under the new definition of marriage, those are the only criteria necessary.

� M.E.M.

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