All about my lunch hour
February 09, 2004 ~ 3:02 p.m.
Hmmm, I got search-engine searched for �when a man acts like a peacock.� Veddy, veddy interesting, no? I thought it might have had something to do with the recent issue of men wearing skirts, which I once commented on myself. But actually, it brought up this entry on metrosexuals instead. Now it makes perfect sense.
I had an unnerving experience fifteen minutes ago. Not one to scar me for life�indeed, not even the rest of the day. In fact, it�s all I can do to keep from erupting in a fit of laughter now I think about it.
I work on the second floor (that�d be first floor to my British readers) of the medical sciences building here at the university. I went downstairs to the cafeteria, via the main staircase, to get my lunch. I bought a sandwich and went around the back to where the lecture halls are. I usually use one or the other of the two halls to get back up to the second floor. It�s not a shortcut back to my office, but it�s a route that gives me more solitude.
I peeked into the smaller of the lecture halls and it was engaged with a lecture (what else?). So I crossed to the adjacent, larger hall. I couldn�t see anything through the crack in the door and I didn�t hear anything. So I went inside and it was pitch-black. I could only see the windows of the two doors at the top of the hall. I searched as best I could, from where I was, for a light switch to the hall, but none was to be found. Despite the dark, I decided to go for it.
My wife says that I have excellent vision in the dark, and for the most part it�s true, but I had just come in from a brightly-lit corridor, and so seeing the stairs was, to put it mildly, a challenge. However, I could see the rows of writing-counters as I made my way up the graduated staircase, and I held on to them as I made my way up.
Now I�m not afraid of the dark. But, unfortunately for me, I am afraid of being snuck up upon in the dark. It�s not the dark itself; it�s the unexpected. Suddenly I became very paranoid about some student possibly having followed me in without me noticing and planning to grab me from behind and scream �whoar!� I couldn�t see behind me. All I could see were the writing countertops and the small pools of light through the door windows, which were of no use in terms of providing illumination into the pitch-black auditorium.
�I really do not like this at all,� I told the blackened room. I reached the top eventually and prepared to make my exit.
�OK,� I said. �Time to go.� I pushed the door. It wouldn�t budge. Instead I heard the clack of a bolt-lock being slightly jarred in its place.
�Ohhhh-kayyyy,� I breathed, not willing to believe it. �Time � to � go!� Push. Clack.
�You have GOT to be kidding me,� I said to the nearest row of seats. I looked out into the foyer from the door�s window, then around at the blackened hall. But it wasn�t that bad. On the other side, on the same level I was standing on, there was the other door. I walked sideways through the row of seats and tried the other door. It was open.
Unfortunately, it didn�t lead anywhere. It was a storeroom and even though that was lit, its door to the corridor was�yep, you guessed it�locked.
Amazingly I didn�t curse. Not even under my breath. I just walked back into the auditorium, but I held the door open so some light would spill in. I was looking for a light switch. I found one. Instantly, the auditorium flooded with light. I walked back down the stairs, past the rows of seats and writing countertops. I stopped by the podium, did a silent impression of Howard Dean a la the Iowa primary and bowed to the empty rows of seats. Then I walked out and used the main staircase back up to my office.
It was a nervy but amusing lunch break, to say the least.
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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