What would you do in a situation like this?
July 05, 2004 ~ 7:11 p.m.
Let�s say you�ve resigned your job, because after two-and-a-half years you were dissatisfied with it and saw no room for career advancement within your position. You didn�t have anything already lined up, so you did leave your job prematurely. But you�ve got a Bachelor of Science degree. You�ve got more than ten years of work experience. The place you�ve just left will give you a great reference�your boss even made it clear to you on your last day how much he appreciates the contribution you made to his crew during your tenure.
You walk away from the job a bit anxious, but optimistic and confident. Everybody else you talk to�your co-workers, your friends, your wife, your mom-in-law, your sister, your father, even total strangers�say that you�re talented and you�ll have no trouble finding another job, and bully for you for having the guts to leave a job you weren�t getting much out of and for chasing a dream, which, considering you�re 34 going on 35, you�re just barely still young enough at which to do so.
But there�s a doubter in your family. A member of your family that means a lot to you. She says it�s just worry that causes her to have such a piss-poor attitude, but the tone in her voice is always negative, always pessimistic, always doomsday-like. You even expected it when you called her up that she�d sigh heavily, say �Oh my God,� and act like she�d just heard a meteor was about to hit the Earth.
Get that? No �well, you�ll need to work hard, and it�s a bummer, but hang in there. You�re smart, you�ll find something else in no time.� Despite a degree and a good work record, it�s all doom-and-gloom for me. I�m consigned to be a bum for the rest of my life. The wife will divorce me. I won�t get a job even collecting garbage; I�ll be sleeping in the garbage.
How do you deal with someone close to you that treats you this way, that lets you know how much of a failure they think you are. Someone close to you that has no faith whatsoever in you, and takes whatever chance she gets to criticize you endlessly?
Finally, how would it make you feel that this very someone is quick to point out that you need to take pills for everything�depression, forgetfulness, anxiety, and God knows what other excuse for taking a pill that enters her head. But�but �won�t take a pill of any kind herself? She takes sleeping pills because she�s worried. She�s quick to throw advice to take antidepressants for everyone else on the face of the earth, but herself. And it�s been obvious to you for years that she needs them. How could you deal with this hypocrisy?
How could you deal with the fact that anytime you try to have a serious conversation about what you see as her shortcomings results in nothing but upset and tears on her part? How would you deal with the fact that she thinks you relish nothing more than picking on her, which you know goddamn well is not your intention�but try telling her that.
I�d like to tell her that she needs something to really worry about. Like my heroic mother-in-law who took sleeping pills to help her sleep while her husband was in the hospital with a brain tumor. Want something to worry about? Try that for size!
I�m hurt because I�m angered and insulted by her negative impression of me, someone who should be her nearest and dearest, yet all I get from her in a crisis�or semi-crisis�is pessimism, negativity and hints of being a failure. She�s hurt because when I tell her I�m upset at her, I�m being unfair and cruel.
What, dear reader, would you do?
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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