I�m not an expert�I just play one on D�land
May 29, 2003 ~ 11:00 a.m.
OK, this is getting a little ri-goddamn-diculous.
I have lost three fans in the space of just a week. But easy come, easy go.
Let�s see if you know the type of fans I�m talking about: They add you silently�you check on the number of your favorites and there they suddenly are. They say diddly-squat about you in the comments section. They have never left any comments in your notes or guestbook. They have not contacted you via e-mail. And then, after about a week or two, they drop you as wordlessly as they added you. So you are left wondering, what did I write that had them jumping on board and, what�s more, what did I say to cause them to jump ship?
You gotta love �fans� like these. You can even slip them a greeting in their guestbooks, usually along the lines of �hey, thanks for listing me,� and you still don�t hear back from them. Mysterious people.
I know that I am not the only one who�s lost fans without explanation. I know that I am not the only one who has trouble getting people to sign their guestbook. It always burns me when I practically write a treatise, thinking I�m providing my readers with a real treat, and hear nothing in return from any of them. Even my non-D�land readers never leave me notes. But, hey, c�est la vie.
I accept that I am not the most popular writer here. My fan list now stands at 54, and a good chunk of those are diaries that no longer exist or �doubles� (writers who listed me, quit that diary, started a new one and listed me again). I like to use a convenient formula, that out of any number of fans I may have, only ⅔ of them actively read me. By that math, I have only 36 actual readers. And I�m no newbie�I�ve had my diary for twenty months. Yeah, I�m awesome.
Rare is the diarist who has over 100 fans. Rare is the diarist whose latest entry could only consist of the word �Meep!� and who would still have an army of loyal fans lined up to leave twenty notes along the lines of �wow, great entry today. I totally agree! You rawk!� I, on the other hand, could only write �Meep,� go on an unexplained absence for a month and not hear a single word from anyone as to where I am, what I meant, am I alright or when will I update? That�s fine. I could lose all my fans tomorrow and I�d still write. Because that�s what I do and that�s what I am�I write and I am a writer. I may have an �L� plastered to my forehead, but I like to think I wear it with a shred of dignity.
Methinks part of the problem is that I only have to say one lousy thing out of line before I get a whole array of people dropping me from their favs. Pious sorts who can�t be bothered to try to sort out whether or not I was only joking or seeking an explanation from me. Just a huff and a puff. They go huff and I go puff. I am owed an explanation but, of course, I won�t get one.
Listen up and listen good. Those of you who add me�or any other diarist�as a favorite based on only a handful of entries you may have read and enjoyed are idiots. You can�t really �know� another diarist until they�ve written at least fifty entries. And then, that�s what the archives page is for, to check out past ruminations. Try doing a little research on someone by reading their entire body of work so you are well acquainted with where they stand, so when they write something that may offend you, you won�t be surprised and have to rethink your rash decision to list them. In other words, be willing to read beyond five entries.
And, as the curtesy applies to me, if perchance you�re still left shocked by a comment I may have made that jived you the wrong way, try using something on my page called a GUESTBOOK. Really, people, it�s not that hard. See, the guestbook link is a magical portal which will take you to a place where you can actually talk back to me! You can express your counter-opinion, ask me the calculus behind my opinions and herald your right to free speech, all at once! Yea you! And I always reply respectfully. Oh, I see. You don�t actually want to go through all that painstaking trouble, do you? Far better to blame me just because you didn�t do your homework. Saves all that useless wear and tear on the brain called thinking, now doesn�t it?
I don�t claim to be an expert�and I most certainly do not claim to be to everyone�s tastes. But what do you want, a fucking Surgeon General�s warning on this page to alert you to the fact that �opinions expressed on this site may cause you reason to question the author at times???� What a great display of the politically correct, nanny state society we really live in that would make.
In future, before you even think of adding me to your list, remember two very important links: ARCHIVES and GUESTBOOK. Got that? It�ll assist you in making a wise consumer choice.
Thank you. Now I think I�ll kick back and watch the two or three responses I get in response to this entry trickle in and which will probably have bugger all to do with what I�ve actually written.
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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