Now I've heard it all ...
May 14, 2003 ~ 12:08 a.m.
OK, this just isn't right. It's just not.
I read in the entertainment section of The London Metro that Justin Trousersnake ... er, Timberlake is going to become a sports TV presenter for an unnamed American cable station.
Do you remember the days when you made your career out of broadcasting games after retiring from your former career of actually playing sports? Jerry Remy, Vin Scully, John Madden, Bob Cousy, Joe Morgan, et al, all earned their right to provide play-by-play and color commentary from their up-close and personal experiences as true sportsmen.
But we are not living in Scully's or Cousy's day anymore. Part of the problem with sports these days is that it has willingly become too involved with the entertainment business. Or, excuse me, what passes for entertainment.
Dennis Miller, talented comic and unwavering patriot that he is, opened the floodgates for celebrities with no connections to the sports world to add their take to live sports broadcasts.
But Dennis Miller adding color commentary to football games is one thing. If it had stopped there, that would have been fine. But then you have players like Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter dating models and high profile entertainers. Hollywood is pushing their outr� agenda into the sporting arena with ever-alarming alacrity. And now, cable stations are signing mega deals with the likes of dancing-fool twerps like Justin Timberlake providing queer ... er, colored commentary for games.
Do you also remember the days when the sissies got beaten up by the jocks? Now they're calling their own unique angle on their athletic performances. America, what a country!
Really, what the fuck�Timberlake knows bugger all about music, so let's not let that stop him from broadcasting sports either, eh? After all, Timberlake is, if the Hot 100 charts of Billboard are anything to judge by, a "musician." So apparently if he can keep his mind off sex and dancing and cheating the industry long enough to say, "Golly, that was a huge goal for the Islanders," he'll officially be a "sports broadcaster" too.
What the hell is Timberlake ever going to say about Shaq? �Well, of course, you know the problem. He's too big, he'll never be able to move like me." Then he'll probably perform a front-court breakdance at halftime while the unscrupulous bastards at the front office count their cash and what do they care about denigrating the last bastion of American male bonding left in society? Teenaged girls are wetting themselves silly watching the entire NBA season from November straight through till June, baby, and then there's always the porous borders of baseball to invade while they're waiting for Lakers to tie up their shoelaces again. And at the front office, they just keep rake, rake, raking it on in.
The more things like this happen, the closer I get to not only lauding but promoting the theme behind Madonna's American Life. Assuming she won't be broadcasting games for the Canucks next season.
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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