Jesus spammed me! (Does that mean He loves me?)
June 24, 2004 ~ 3:26 p.m.
I received an e-mail from Jesus this morning. I kid you not. The big J himself revealed himself to me. This is what He said:
Hi my name is Jen. A friend said you were really cool and said I should get in contact with you! I love meeting new people so you should come chat with me. I also have a videocam so we can make it interesting! It doesn�t cost you a dime or anything like that, I just wanna meet you! To get in contact with me, check out my profile at: www.bullshit.com. I hope I talk to you soon!
Apparently, the Lord is trying to confirm what feminists have always suspected is true: God is female. Jesus is, in fact, actually named Jen. Or maybe God used to be male and has had a sex-change operation? Why not? He/She�s God�He/She can do whatever He/She wants. And the Lordette Jen has apparently taken ministry into the digital twenty-first century.
So the Lordette has a website and videocam facilities. Gee willikins, I wonder what I�ll see. Water being turned into wine? The Pope smoking dope? A Holy Trinity m�nage-a-trois? The mind truly boggles. (The site really isn�t www.bullshit.com�I just made that up.) Somehow, I don�t buy the line that it don�t cost a dime. Really now. The Church has always lined its pockets. It's the world's only trillionaire. Why should it stop now?
The Lordette wants to get to know me though! I feel so special, and it really does confirm what I�ve always heard about Jesus � er, Jen. She speaks to people, She moves them, She speaks in mysterious ways. Hallelujah, sister!
However, I have to wonder who this friend was that called the Lordette to my attention. She knows all, sees all, judges all. So who�s the middleman? Inquiring minds would like to know!
Should Jesus/Jen make contact with me again, I shall let you know.
� M.E.M.
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Copyright � 2001-2007 by M.E. Manning. All material is written by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise by use of footnotes or bylines. Do not copy or redistribute without my permission.
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