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Of the lost fan and the �lost weekend�

June 07, 2003 ~ 3:06 a.m.

Ho-hum, I lost another fan today. No big deal really. You must all understand that I have not been, and am not, feeling sorry for myself. I merely got frustrated that I was losing fans left and right without explanation and that people never seemed to talk back to me in my guestbook. That is all. It was not an exercise in narcissism. Please use your Second Amendment rights to shoot me if ever I become an egotistical asshole.

Egotistical is one thing I�m not, because the honest-to-God truth is that I never thought I was worthy and I still don�t. Am I foolish though? I was accused of this by the fan who left a homily in my guestbook before ditching me. No hard feelings against her. I sure as fuck don�t want anyone hanging around here who isn�t genuinely happy with me or what I have to say. She saw the chance to bail out and she took it. However, she still claims she seriously feared that I was due to become a bitter and angry young man by the age of 35 (I�m 33 at present).

This altruism on her part is laughable and I�ll tell you why: If I was busting blood vessels screaming about the Patriot Act, the War in Iraq, Bush and the Republicans and conservative politics of any stripe or color, I can guarantee you that there would have been no concern whatsoever on her part for me. No fretting about me becoming an intolerable curmudgeon before my time. I could be screaming bloody murder and lacing my entries with all the cutting sarcasm as I saw fit as long as the vicious vitriol was aimed at conservatives, and apparently that would have amounted to open-mindedness and tolerance on her part. She would still be a fan of mine were that the case.

But that�s not the case: I am for America, for President Bush and for the Right�not the whacky, misguided and reactionary Far Right�just the Right, period. And she just couldn�t take it anymore. Simple as that. She can claim the moral high ground all she wants and that�s her right. Godspeed, ma�am. Just don�t expect me or anyone else who truly knows me and what I�m all about to believe it.

You patronized me simply because of my conservative politics and you don�t care to acknowledge it. You wanted to convert me into a pretty boy of the Left and when you finally saw that it would never happen, you had your final say and abandoned my ship. Please don�t pretend otherwise.

�Nuff said on that subject�except that I do have some friends in the U.K. now, thank you. Granted, two of them are ex-pat Americans like me. But I like their British husbands. I like Doug, a.k.a. the Cappuccino Kid, who�s as British as they come and, being eight years my elder, has been a wonderful mentor to me. I like my thoroughly (almost stereotypically) British boss who claims to be a socialist. I find that many Brits reject Americans who don�t share their often cynical worldview and expect us to water our patriotism down almost to nothingness the way they have theirs and it does admittedly cause resentment on my part toward them on occasion, erecting a serious cultural barrier that is not easily crossed in the process. But I do have British friends so let�s lay to rest the accusation that I don�t.

Now I believe you have a $347 tax refund check to return to your government, so I won�t keep you any longer. Goodbye and good luck.


There are a few others I would like to give a shout to:

To evil-edna: You are one strong-willed individual and you keep telling things as you see fit. I don�t doubt that there are those who�d like to throw you into anger management therapy along with me. But that�s why the Higher Power gave us the gift of laughter. It�s the ultimate weapon against the idiots of the world. The truth�and laughter�will set you free.

To foxphotog: The more I read, the more I can�t agree more. Keep spreading the word, brother, and I�ll gladly help.

To mr-knowitall: It�s no use asking the liberal whingers what�s so wrong with the Patriot act because they don�t have the facts to present you. Facts don�t work in their favor, because all their accusations are based on subjective conjecture. But thanks for the back-up, it�s much appreciated.

To belle-tn: Thanks for your unwavering support. You�re a true Southern belle star!

To pandionna: It�s too bad that you are not a patriot considering how much opportunity and freedom your country grants you. All your country asks in return is support. Very sad and very unfortunate. Immigrants flock to America from all over the world by the millions and yet some citizens complain that living in America is such a raw deal. Sorry, but this sort of thinking is totally lost on me. But having said that, you seem like a very respectful person and the nature of your guestbook entry to me certainly gives me reason to believe that you are open-minded as well. Don�t patronize me, don�t knock me unnecessarily and don�t insult me, and I promise to treat you with the same measure of dignity. When cornered with unfair stereotypes and personally degrading accusations, I fight back like the school-of-the-hard-knocks, street-fighting guy I am. But treat me with respect and I am one of the most affable, meekest and easiest-going guys on the planet. In other words, there will be no surprises�I stick up for myself but I also give credit where it�s due and I do listen. If you enter into a friendship with me, you will find that, contrary to common belief, I am not a bigoted or deliberately horrible man. I promise to read a lot more of your diary soon and, if I am truly comfortable with what I read in there, I will gladly and unreservedly list you. You will hear from me again, but until then, be well and thanks again for your message.


Well, I believe that�s it for now. I�ve got to get some sleep because I�ve got to be back up in four hours to hop over to Holland for the weekend.

Has anyone here heard of John Lennon�s so-called Lost Weekend? Well, my own �lost weekend� will begin at approximately high noon GMT today. Only my destination for debauchery will not be Los Angeles but Amster-frickin�-dam, baby!

And after all the stress at work this past week and the drama that I have been caught up with here in Diaryland, I am going to do some serious personal partying and leave all my inhibitions behind in England, picking them back up upon my return on Sunday. It�ll only be 24 hours over there, but still�I�ll be so blunted that I won�t care.

� M.E.M.

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