Why I consider myself bisexual
January 14, 2004 ~ 1:56 p.m.
Davemarr has respectfully asked me a question worth considering: Frankly, he wants to know how it is that I classify myself as a bisexual. As he notes, �You have admittedly not had sex with another man. I think perhaps you�re curious, but thinking about it and [actually] doing it are different. I�ve had sex with guys who thought they were bisexual � until they had sex with another man, then realized it wasn�t what they thought it would be. And of course there are straight guys who have sex with other men but remain straight.�
Sex is not my favorite subject (something must surely be wrong with me), and I never envisioned having either the opportunity or the desire to discuss my sexual preferences here on my page for all to read. But I suppose, especially in light of the recent gay marriage debacle, I should.
Whenever I�ve relaxed in the sun on the shores of the Mediterranean, I�ve drooled at the sight on handsome men in their European-cut swimwear. They catch my eye as much as sexy women do. So there really can be no argument about the fact that I�m attracted to males. We�ve established that.
But, as the gentleman asks, is that proof positive that I am a bisexual? Or am I just simply �bi-curious?� After all, he�s got the sexual experience to back up his bisexuality�and I haven�t. Would I shy away from sex with a man if offered it? If I wasn�t married, I might. Then again, I might not. It would depend on my mood, the environment, and the circumstances surrounding the affair. But my instinct is to declare, yes I would shy away. It is not so much the actual sex that I fantacize about. It�s the touching, the fondling, the stroking, the exploring of each other�s bodies�the being with. So if I�m not big on actual sexual intercourse with the same gender, am I automatically disqualified as a bisexual?
I mentioned in an earlier entry that I have previously engaged in what I termed �light playing around.� Those instances I did enjoy, even though I was too young and too confused to get the same pleasure out of them that I would today. But, I am able to have completely plutonic relationships with men. I�ve got guy friends; I enjoy them for their company.
And while we�re on that subject, I don�t think all men are attractive, just as all straights don�t find every single member of the opposite sex attractive. George Carlin may joke that if you�re a bisexual, you may as well walk around with the Yellow Pages under your arm. But the truth is, I�d say a good 95 percent of all men I see on the street, on the trains, at work, etc. I would never go out of my way to share my bed with. Astralfrog once wrote, in a missive to the straight world, that gay men are even more discerning than women. If I truly have a �gay side,� I would have to argue in favor of that assertion.
Now then, in light of evidence that I�ve presented, it might well be in order to label me as bi-curious, not bisexual. However, I don�t personally accept the existence of such a word as the former. Aside from the twists and turns that the rush of hormones puts every adolescent through, both pre- and post-pubescent males and females don�t spend even a second on thinking about the same sex. As far as I am concerned�and please keep in mind, this is only what I think and it�s how I interpret the meaning of the word�you are bisexual if you look at any member of the same sex in a sexual way. Period.
As I do that, and have done so since quite a young age�even if I was too ashamed (yes, I admit that) to admit to myself until the age of 25�then I consider myself a bisexual. You can disagree�in fact, please feel free to. However, just keep in mind, just as I refuse to think of myself as homophobic, I refuse to think of myself as anything other than bisexual.
OK, now I�m going to get a bit silly. But while we�re on the topic of my sexuality, I might mention that the release of Disney�s Robin Hood was a watershed moment for me, at least in terms of how my sexual preferences really came to light at a very young age. (This was 1973, folks!)
That character made a huge impression on me. I loved his carefree flamboyancy�but at the same time, the fox was, ahem, all man. I clearly remember, when I was four, wanting to be with him. At four years of age, fantasies are not only rife but exploding with gusto all around your head. That cartoon sent me into a tailspin of confusing but enjoyable scenarios involving the lead character that were laced with an innocent but clearly proto-sexual longing. I wanted the bonhomie with Robin Hood that I witnessed in that movie, to be close to him. Christ, I was jealous of Maid Marion, OK? How screwed up is that!
I don�t delve into this sad but true story from my life to back up my claims of bisexuality. All I�m saying is that my sexuality did seem to be established from a very young age; thus I strongly suspect nature is behind sexuality, not nurture.
And Mr. Fox-Hood thingy? Thanks for the memories.
� M.E.M.
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